Thoughts on my birthday

When I was much younger, birthdays always held a lot of hope for celebration and recognition of my special day. Usually, that hope fell flat; there was no celebration, no one threw me a party, or opened a bottle of something in my honor. Not that it didn't happen a few times: my husband, and years later, a good man who will remain unnamed, my sister always, my friend Julie who threw me a little party on a special birthday.

I'm older now, and I no longer hope for anything in that department. At least that's what I tell myself. But you know, I am so brainwashed by society, that a part of me can't help feeling a tiny bit bruised. I wonder if truly I "no longer hope in that department." I wonder if it isn't a protective thing.

What did I do on my birthday? Nothing. Celebration has to involve more than one person; it can be very lonely to celebrate myself with myself. There's really no point. Throw myself a party? I worry that people will think I'm inviting them over just to get gifts, even though the real reason is wanting to share the day. Normally, I'm comfortable with my own company and can find many things to do. But on this one day of the year, my sign rears its head: Libra, the partnership sign.

That being said, I do truly appreciate the long-distance wishes and gifts. To my sister and family, Julie, Carol, Susan, Jenny, Violette (in France), thank you from the bottom of my heart! My cup is half-full! Yes, it is.