Friday, January 01, 2010

I think of you

I suppose that if you don't feel emotional pain, you can't feel great joy either.



A friend of mine long ago told me something I've never forgotten. He was (still is) a good friend who witnessed me going through a very painful time in my life, and I was surprised at his revelation. I don't feel things deeply, he said, so I don't really get upset over anything, but I also don't feel much joy either. I envy you. At the time I thought he was crazy: Envy me? I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

But now, whenever old pain surfaces, I remember what he said. It calms me somewhat. Tonight I looked at photo of my husband that I've posted on this blog -- he was playing rugby and at the same time there was a commercial for the movie Invictus on TV, and something unexpected happened. I felt something I haven't felt in years, a terrible welling up of emotion, a kind of complete despair coming from the knowledge that he was irretrievably gone from me, that strong and gentle, loving man who was my life. Perhaps it's a function of growing older, perhaps it's the time of year, who knows? I write about this because there are so many people out there who are in this painful place right now, and I want you to know that you are not alone. I am aware of you, and I think of you with utmost compassion. We are not alone. Appreciate those who are alive and who love you. Be good to yourself and to others. Remember that if you feel deep pain, you are also capable of feeling great joy. Go for the joy as much as you can.

My wish for you is that the coming year be gentle to all of you.

11 comments:

  1. And may the new year be gentle and joyful for you as well. Thank you for sharing so honestly, Colette.

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  2. Je te souhaite une très bonne année 2010.

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  3. A wonderful post, full of emotion and feeling!
    Hugs and New Year well wishes
    Micki x

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  4. Beautifully said, Colette. I wish you more joy than pain in this new year.

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  5. Thank you, Colette. I needed your post.

    Happy New Year to You.

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  6. Stumbled upon your blog.
    Thank you for sharing your wonderful blog!
    Happy New Year
    Dee
    thistleandvine.blogspot.com

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  7. Happy New Year dear Colette.....I so agree, I had a bit of a hard time over the holidays and then remembered to celebrate those we have and those we've lost!
    XOXO

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  8. Thank you for your honesty, Colette.
    May the New Year have more joy in it for you
    than sorrow.
    Blessings~

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  9. Beautiful, insightful words. A timely message for us all. I'm so sorry to hear you lost your husband, I didn't know. Your message to try to embrace the joy is wonderful and should apply to each one of us. Sending huge big hugs

    Carolyn xx

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  10. VERY TENDER WORDS FROM A VERY TALENTED ARTIST. YOU SEEM LIKE AN OLD SOUL. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR BLOG, YOUR WONDERFUL TASTE IN MUSIC AND BEAUTIFUL ARTWORK WITH THE WORLD AND LITTLE OLD ME. SUE

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Thank you so much for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate each and every one of you.